Our beds are sacred places. They can help us to relax, recuperate our energy, and leave busy days behind us. But did you know that the average Brit spends 318 months of their life asleep in bed? This is about one-third of their life. And as life is full of the weird and wonderful, it’s unsurprising that some of that unusualness will creep into our bedroom at some point.
A new survey, asking the British public to name the weirdest thing that they’ve woken up with, reveals some unusual anecdotes and objects. From dogs to ducks, we look at the best (or most unusual) answers.
Kitchen in the bedroom
A common theme among many respondents was food. Unsurprisingly, some food types appeared more than others. Yes, the famed post-night-out kebab was named as one of the weirdest things the British public have woken up with.
One man, from the North-East, commented that he had woken up ‘snuggling my kebab’. For others, their mixed-meat-memoirs are not so fortunate. A man from Yorkshire recalled how he had woken up with ‘Donner kebab all over me’. It was unclear if this was a desirable outcome.
Other food items that people have woken up with include ‘a half-eaten steak bake’, ‘a piece of ham’, and a ‘loaf of bread’. The bread would have come in handy for the person who woke up with ‘a toaster’ — toast goes well on any breakfast after a good sleep, after all.
If you ever find that your partner is an invasive sleeper, try sharing a bed with a dog. Our pets love to spread themselves out on our duvets and act as if your bed is their palace. After all, mattresses are not just comfortable for people. It’s not unusual to wake up and find that our animals are resting with their head on the pillow. What is unusual, however, is if you wake up and find that the animal in your bed does not belong to you. This was the reality for some of our respondents.
A Northern Irish lady revealed that she had woken up with ‘a stranger’s dog’ in their bed. Another man commented that he had found a dog ‘trapped in my sleeping bag’ when they woke up. While this may appear as a pet lovers dream, for this pair, it may have been a nightmare trying to work out where they got these dogs from. Another person claims they were awoken by ‘a duck’ in their bedroom.
However, the most unusual animal tale goes to a gentleman from Yorkshire and Humber who reminisces on the time he woke up with ‘a brace of pheasants’ on their bed. A pair of game birds is certainly one of the most unusual items declared in the survey. Whether this man hunted the birds himself is unknown. The survey seemed to create more questions than it answered.
The sign of a good night out
What is the sign of a good night out? For some people, it seems that this question is taken a little too literally. In fact, several responses highlighted a strange fascination with stealing traffic and construction signs and materials, only to keep them in their beds.
While the humble traffic cone was a usual suspect in the line-up of stolen goods taken to bed, one man admitted to being a serial offender. He claims to have taken ‘three traffic cones, a roadworks sign, and three road barriers’ back to his bed after a night out. Meanwhile, another man claims to have woken up with ‘a traffic light’ under the duvets. Clearly, a red light alone was not enough to appeal to this person’s sensibility.
One person from Scotland has shown a solid effort for bringing construction home with his revelation that he woke up with ‘shoes completely encased in concrete’. He concludes that he ‘must have walked over wet concrete on route home’. This takes a heavy night out to a whole new level of meaning.
The British public never cease to amaze, particularly when it comes to the question: ‘What’s the weirdest thing you’ve woken up with?’ The survey results left very little middle ground with interesting anecdotes of strange bedroom encounters. Where some people awoke to find a ‘shopping trolley’ in their bed, others would find ‘Slovakian police in my hotel room’. We can only hope that these sleeping incidents are isolated, and don’t happen too frequently.